This Doesn't Taste Like Lasagne...
by gamooma
Summary: Garfield's alter ego the Caped Avenger saves the day when things go awry at an Italian restaurant. Please R&R.
1. Roberto's

Disclaimer: No recognisable characters or places belong to me. I'm proud to say the lasagne does.

Notes: represents Garfield's speech/thoughts.

This story is dedicated to Pop. Thanks for letting me use your computer.

Roberto's

            The morning sunshine… OK, I'm lying. It was about noon when the midday sun finally woke the orange meatball with stripes from his peaceful slumber. Garfield stretched before stomping to the kitchen. After devouring the entire contents of the fridge (with the exception of Jon's three year old, unopened jar of cocktail onions) Garfield felt much better. He felt so good that he didn't even bother to kick Odie when he walked past.

            It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing. Not even Garfield could resist the appeal of the great outdoors. He strolled outside and found a nice patch of green grass. This would be the perfect place for a nap. He thought, stretching out on the ground. He opened his mouth in the hope that one of those singing birds would fall into it while he napped under that shining sun.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

            Jon stood over Garfield. He was wearing his 'going out' clothes – a green and orange checked suit and a purple bowtie. He nudged his cat gently with his foot. It was worth waking Garfield (in other words risking a slow and painful death) just to hear his grateful thanks. Jon planned to take Garfield and Odie to Roberto's for lunch. Roberto's was the finest Italian restaurant in town.

            Garfield was beginning to show signs of movement so Jon backed away a few feet. "Garfield…" Jon was interrupted by a loud groan. Garfield's eyelids fluttered for a few moments before one eye popped open.

            I see you're dressed to impress. Garfield 'said', eyeing Jon suspiciously.

            "Garfield, I'm taking Odie to Roberto's for lunch." With the mention of Roberto's Garfield sprang to his feet. At length Jon asked, "Wanna come?"

            Jon had to hurry Garfield into the car. He was worried that such vigorous nodding might cause brain damage. Odie was already in the car. It took Jon several minutes to get the old bomb going. By the time he did Garfield had made a large pool of drool on the cheap, plasticky imitation leather of the back seat.

            All throughout the short trip (made longer by Jon's driving) Odie had his head out the window. His eyes were half closed and his tongue was hanging out in pure doggish bliss. It didn't bother Garfield, for once. His mind was entirely focussed on pizza, lasagne, garlic bread, spaghetti, etc…

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            Jon parked crookedly outside Roberto's. He straightened his bowtie before getting out and walking into the restaurant. Garfield and Odie followed him keenly.

            Inside the restaurant was neat and clean. Pictures of large men with larger curled moustaches broke the monotony of the olive green walls. Garfield raced in and sat eagerly at a table. Pretty red serviettes with gold trim were folded to look like swans. Garfield barely noticed. His eyes were wide with aanticipation.

            Jon and Odie followed Garfield at a more leisurely pace. "That's the fastest I've seen you move since… since… well, since forever." Jon remarked, sitting down. Garfield gave the briefest of shrugs.

            A waitress emerged from the kitchen at the back. She offered them menus, but Jon waved them away. "We'll just have three large plates of lasagne, please."

            You and Odie aren't eating, then? Garfield's already huge grin widened even further.

            "Make that five." Jon said.

            "Will there be anything else?" Asked the waitress as she scribbled on her notepad.

            "That's all." Said Jon. Garfield raised his eyebrows.

            That's what you think!

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            The waitress arrived with two plates of lasagne. When Jon said LARGE he never imagined it could get this big. The thin young waitress was clearly struggling with the weight of the two plates. She had to make multiple journeys from the kitchen to their table to get the huge order there. This didn't faze Garfield, though. By the time the waitress returned with the fifth plate he'd already started on his second.

            "Enjoy your meal." She murmured, watching him in awe. Jon picked up his fork at the exact same moment as Garfield started on his third plate. Garfield only took one bite of this one.

            This doesn't taste like lasagne…


	2. It's Alive!

It's Alive!

            The cheese on top started to quiver. Layer upon layer of pasta and mince began to shake. Two slices of pasta parted to form a large, grinning mouth. The creature slid off the plate and moved slowly across the table. It left a greasy trail behind it on the previously clean, white tablecloth. It paused in front of Odie and a cheesy tongue licked it's 'lips.'

            With surprising agility it leapt from the table, straight onto Odie's head. The waitress's scream pierced the air, masking the wet slurping sound the monster made as it SWALLOWED ODIE WHOLE. He didn't even have time to yelp. 

            Garfield and Jon had fled to the front of the restaurant. The waitress was frozen in terror. She couldn't tear her eyes away from the lasagne. It sat on the seat where Odie once was. Nourished by it's new found food, it proceeded to grow. It was easily as tall as Jon when it stopped. It turned to face Garfield, who was clinging onto Jon and being clung onto in return. 

            "THOU SHALT NOT slurp BE SPARED FROM slurp MY WRATH!" It moaned. With that it turned to the waitress. She began to back away slowly. It was clear to Garfield that this was a job for… THE CAPED AVENGER! He slipped out the door, unnoticed.

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            Moments later the Caped Avenger arrived on the scene. Jon was lying in the gutter, unconscious. There was no sign of the waitress or the lasagne. The Caped Avenger's keen eyes quickly spotted a slimy trail of cheese. He flicked his cape over his shoulder and swiftly followed it. What he found at the trail's end was not pleasant.

            The lasagne had moved quickly and obviously fed well. The now 24 foot tall meal was making a meal out of anything that moved. The Caped Avenger watched in horror as it grew rapidly. A bus full of school children caught it's attention. It slithered down the street at a breathtaking pace. The terrified faces of the children, pressed against the glass of the back window, spurred the Caped Avenger into action.

            There was only one thing to do. The Caped Avenger HAD to save all those innocent young children. OK, so the Caped Avenger HAD to eat some lasagne, same thing. He took a deep breath to steady himself. He leapt onto the beast with his mouth open wide, teeth bared in preparation. The lasagne never knew what hit it. By the time it got it's bearings it was bleeding spicy sauce all over the road.

            It didn't stand a chance against the ravenous Caped Avenger. He ducked and weaved, evading all of the lasagne's attacks, eating all the while. A small crowd had gathered at the end of the street to witness the battle. They clapped and cheered at every bite, driving the Caped Avenger onward. 

            Within minutes the evil creature had been reduced to a pile of steaming slop. The Caped Avenger stood in front of it panting, covered in cheese and smelling of garlic. The roaring of the crowd was music to his ears. He paraded around a bit, waving here, bowing there and flicking his cape dramatically at every chance he got.

            When TV crews began arriving he slipped away mysteriously. If the general public discovered his true identity he and Jon would hear no end of this. 


	3. BURP!

BURP!

            Jon awoke to find a very bloated Garfield staring down at him. Don't be ashamed, Jon. Lots of people wake up in the gutter.

            "Odie! Odie's been eaten!" Jon sat up with a wild look in his eyes. "Where's the lasagne? We have to get out of here!"

            Relax. I saw some brave hero beat it up.

            "Oh. We're safe. Poor Odie." Jon began to sob and babble unintelligibly. 

            Yeah. _Sniff. I'm really going to miss that dumb mutt. __Sniff. Tears began to roll down Garfield's cheeks. __Sniff. Damn allergies!_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX SEVERAL DAYS LATER XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

            Jon and Garfield were sitting in front of the TV. Neither of them was really watching it. It was obvious they were thinking about Odie, as their eyes were all misted over. The sound of the news coming on woke Jon up a bit. The exclusive footage of a brave orange cat fighting 'The Italian Menace' snapped him out of it completely. He stared into Garfield's weepy eyes and thought, _Nah! Couldn't be!_

**THE **compl**E**tio**N **of this story an**D perhaps the beginning of another if I get lots of good reviews. **


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